…and no, I don’t mean phat (do kids still say that nowadays?  or am I showing my age…).

But really, I’m fat.  It’s kind of pathetic.  I want to lose weight. I want my husband to have that trophy wife on his arm.  I don’t want to walk through the store wondering what people think of this tall, handsome man and what he’s doing with this short fatty fat fat chick.  I think about when Jason and I met.  I had already had a baby and I looked great … if I do say so myself.  Then he and I had Zachary… that’s when it all went downhill.  Jason doesn’t deserve that.  He needs a wife who is thin(-ner) than she is now, healthy, energetic, etc.

I want my kids to have a mom they can be proud of.  Not just because she can teach them, cook well, sew, etc…  But because she’s gotten herself back on track for a health(-ier) lifestyle.  They don’t need a mom with heart problems or diabetes at the age of 35.

Finally.  I want more children.  I’d love for the Lord to bless us with more.  I want to have healthy pregnancies.  I don’t want to worry about the next pregnancy making me 1,000 pounds and having to lose that… YIKES!

And I lied… there’s another finally.  I think in order to improve my testimony as a Christian, living healthier and being smaller is the ticket.  I think that by overeating, being exhausted all the time, etc, is not being a good testimony to Christ’s church body.  I need to lose this weight for Him.  He gave me this body and I’ve abused it over the last 10 years.

But here’s the thing…  I REFUSE to count calories, weight watcher points, carbs, etc.  It stresses me out.  It doesn’t work.  I can never find the right range.  With weight watcher points, I was starving every. single. day.  With calories – I’d start off low and end up starving… then I’d aim high and gain weight.  There’s never that happy medium.  And carbs?  Well… I love carbs.  My family loves breads, pastas, rices…  I’m not cutting those out or down.  My husband doesn’t like brown rice.  I’m not making myself something separate.  So my plan?  Portion control.  I’ve done it before with results.  But… lately I’ve seriously lacked self control.

So my plan…  first I need to start eating breakfast again.  It’s just not something I’ve made a habit.  Second, I need to not eat so much that I have to roll to the next room because I’m so full.  I need to eat an adequate amount of food to where I’m just full and not starving.  Satisfy the hunger – yet not overeat.  Third – water.  I’ve gotten out of the habit of making water my main beverage of choice.  I’m either drinking chocolate milk, regular white milk, Cherry Pepsi or Mountain Dew.  Yeah.  Water needs to be what I drink regularly.  And the fourth?  I need to get back into my exercising.  I have loads of DVDs that I could use, a few free gyms on base and a nice neighborhood to walk around.

So what’s stopping me?  I’m stinking lazy.  Hello!?  How do you think I got to be so fat?  Just by overeating?  Wrong.  Well, I have to stop the laziness.  My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year.  If I lose more, that’d be great.  But I don’t want to aim so high that I end up discouraged.  30 is a good starting number.  And the end of the year is 4.5 months away.  So here’s to weight loss!

Anyone want to join me?